Shoot the Moon

Back in the days when pirated CDs where never heard of, and back in the days when I was one helluva a "senti" fanatic, and back in the days when tapes where en vogue...

One of my favorites in my tape collection was the soundtrack of the movie "Zapped". It was where the songs "King and Queen of Hearts" and "Got to Believe in Magic were in.

Of course, that was also back in the days when David Pomeranz was nothing more than a singer in the 80's and not a has-been trying to make a name in the Philippines.

Between "King and Queen" and "Got to Believe", there was this song called "Shoot the Moon". And really, you had no choice to listen to the song and eventually like it because it was in-between 2 good tracks.

"We'll be out on the streets, checking the sights,
Playing for keeps, dancing all night
They keep saying we're crazy but they're gonna change their tune
'Cause we're gonna shoot the moon..."

That song (as obscure and as old as it is) reminds me of the those times when I'm geared up to paint the town red. And tonight is going to be one of those nights.

I've gone through a ton of hurdles in organizing this trip, but hey, Saturday is here and tonight, the boys are going to be shooting the moon.

It's an escape of sorts-- a great weekend getaway. Leave the city for one night before things start becoming really hectic and busy to the point that we might not go on an outing for months on end. Problems need not come. They can stay in Manila for all I care.

This will also be marking the end of my summer. After this weekend, I'm really buckling down to studying big time.

... though yes, I will be bringing a packet of readings to read just in case there's some down time.

My clothes are ready, and I'm all set to make a trip to Shopwise to pick up my donation for tonight: a bottle of Jaegermeister. Tonight is going to be one of my proverbial "Winston Nights", as I like to call them. The boys haven't gone out of town since High School.

Heh. And the boys were also the first people I got drunk with back in High School. Now that was a disaster of epic proportions.

But hey, we're older and our livers are a bit more tried and tested now as compared to 5 years ago. Tonight, yep, we're gonna shoot the moon!

Now my only problem is how 6 of us are going to fit in one car for a 3-hour drive to Nasugbu.

---

The Sign

I couldn't do it, though Heaven knows just how much I wanted to.

I have already braced myself for whatever may be the result of "Project June 18" already delayed. I have already prepared myself to expect the worst but hope for the best.

I was ready. All I needed was the perfect moment to get her away from everything and just let everything spill out. Sadly, that moment never materialized. So once again, I am suffering in silence.

My lines were rehearsed, ready and I had them down to pat.

I was prepared to tell her just how special she was to me. I was ready to tell her how knowing her has added so much color to my life, even if she colored it by her mere presence.

I wanted to tell her that what I was about to do isn't something I normally do, and that I have been mulling and contemplating about telling her for months. Hell, I've been interested in her for more than a year!

I wanted her to know that I was a bundle of nerves, and maybe if I didn't do it anytime soon, I'd never do it for the rest of my life.

That normally, I'd let things like these go and pass them off as a fleeting crush, that these feelings normally would have no place under the sun. But there are times when you feel strong enough to know that it's not worth it to keep them inside.

I wanted to tell her that I wasn't expecting anything from my revelations. I just wanted to get them off my chest, cut my losses and get on with life, but I'd appreciate it if she gave things a chance to grow.

I want to forget all the hopes that I have unwittingly pinned on her. At this point, I am not afraid to let them go.

I wanted to tell her that after all is said and done, I fear that she might distance herself. But I would also appreciate it if she came back as I sincerely liked her as a friend.

After all, everything started from friendship.

No, scratch that. I saw her when I was in High School and I was infatuated. But it was only a crush then- something temporary and forgttable. Fancy that we end up in the same college, and that knowing her is magic.

I pant after pretty girls, but it takes more than a face to make me fall. Silver Lining is everything, and I am prepared to suffer the consequences of letting her know how I feel.

The other day, I prayed for a sign to let me know that what I was doing was right. That I was not fooling myself into thinking that now was the right time and all.

For some reason, I settled on some obscure movie on HBO. Right at the moment that I thought of her, the character in the movie goes, "You can't become close to people by keeping secrets from them." Strike One. It hit the nail right on the head.

But I wasn't easily convinced. I asked for another sign.

Last night, I was leafing through a Mad Magazine for some night time reading before dozing off. I turned to one page and lo and behold, there was a drawing off a building and the store on the 1st floor of the building had her name. Just like that!

This was shocking, especially since I don't believe in signs. I'm skeptical of them but I got to thinking if this was too much coincidence to be believed. Maybe the Big Guy was telling me to get my torpe ass moving, right?

In any case, I was ready to let it all out this afternoon. I was thinking that I got time on my side since our teacher let us out early.

Unfortunately, one circumstance after another led to her going home before I could even get her alone. Like I told Karl Antz, maybe that was a sign that it wasn't the right time.

Being a big fan of "The Alchemist", I got to thinking of the quote "When you want something bad enough, the universe conspires to let you have it". Well the universe wasn't conspiring with me but in another perspective... I was following the omens.

Maybe now is really not the time. Though I believe that destiny is really what you make it to be, and that things are had by our own efforts. So much for signs, it's really in the person.

Screw the omens and the signs. If I'm going to go through with "Project June 18", then I've got no one else to depend on but myself.

---

A Contract with Myself

I've always been a confident person. This may be a weak or strong point of mine, depending on which angle you look at it.

Sometimes, it borders on over-confidence to the point of cockiness.

Whenever I got into a mess, I was always confident that I could get out of it no matter what the circumstances.

For instance, there was never a doubt in my mind that I'd get into Comm. I was also never afraid of failing a paper or not finding a college- things like that.

Back in High School, there was a time when I was almost retained. I was worried, but I was sure things would pull through. Ditto for the little graduation fracas I had.

I actually don't know if it's confidence, or unadulterated and unchecked optimism.

It is these days however that things are looking pretty unsure for me. These are the days when I'm feeling a bit uncertain.

For one, I have absolutely no idea where I stand in the life of Silver Lining. But that is another story altogether.

Second is the infamous 5th Year. In Comm, 5th year is like a badge of honor. It screams "I MADE IT. Through the sleepless nights, the high levels of stress and anxiety, the facing teachers who find it easier to give a 3 rather than a 1 and I MADE IT"

That is the badge that I want for myself. Maybe to prove something to myself, and maybe to give my career in Media or Advertising some direction and mileage, and maybe because I'm not ready to graduate yet.

In any case, that 5th Year end goal is still a bit blurry in my mind.

I'd definitely like to say that getting there would be a piece of cake but I can't. Confidence can't see me through this time, especially when looking at the teachers I have this sem and my past GWA track record.

But I'm gonna try. Sure as hell, I'm gonna try.

Even if it means killing my social life altogether for one year, then that's what I'm going to do.

Even if it means my life will consist of study-eat-sleep wherein bloggin will be my only source of recreation, then that's what I'm going to do.

Even if it means that I'm going to have to finally drink coffee, or on a more drastic measure, take uppers so that I can go for 72 hours without crashing, then by Jove, that's what I'm going to do.

I'm ready to move Heaven and Earth to get into 5th Year and that is a promise to myself. No way am I going to have a breach of contract as I will be the one to lose out in the end.

I may be saying this now when the load is light, when it's the beginning of the school year, before the load comes crashing down on me, and while I am still idealistic and full of promise.

I may fail. But I promise myself that it won't be because I lacked trying. It won't be because I failed to exhaust every possible thing I could give. No. If I don't make it, I promise not to regret it because I would have given my best.

Forget winging it. Forget bahala na. Forget closing my eyes and being suprised by my grade at the end of the sem. Nope, this time I've got to see it through every step of the way. Then maybe at the end of the sem, that is when I can really be confident.

I am good at being a work horse, but I'm not high on promises. But this year, I'm going to focus and I'm going to make it. Keep your fingers crossed.

Promise!

---

Desolation, Desperation and Deliverance

A lot of high expectations were riding on today. Sadly nothing came out of it. Good thing things began picking up in the end.

First off, "Project June 18" went pfft. Talk about one big flop.

But then again, I've never been one for deadlines. No, I hate deadlines. The ironic thing is that I need deadlines to provide some semblance of motivation and organization for me. Unfortunately, I can never abide by them.

Deadlines get me going, but I usually end up submitting a day or two after. I like to think that I've got a two day leeway to get "Project June 18" off the ground.

One thing's for sure though-- if I don't get "Project June 18" over and done with by this week, I doubt if I'll ever do it within my lifetime, and I'll spend the rest of my stay at UA&P living in regret. Hell, I've been psyching myself for months anyways.

I left school today with a major chip on my shoulder. It took me an hour to shop for some school supplies, when it would normally take me a maximum of 10 minutes. I was not exactly in the right frame of mind, wandering around and thinking of my course of action.

Thank God I had a confidante in Karl Antz, one of the major proponents behind Project June 18. Come to think of it, none of the college friends know about this. The ones I've got rooting for me are the High School Boys.

Things were also compounded when Karl Antz texted me that he might have some activity for Saturday, the day of the famous out-of-town trip which will officially mark the end of my summer.

Immediately after that, our teacher in Advertising Principles gave a quiz. Ouch! So much for "knocking 'em dead".

Apparently, good 'ol Advertising Principles teacher is the type who gives quizzes based on the day's lecture. Thus, although reading is a must in her class, listening is going to be a key factor.

That means good news for me, as I am a stickler for taking down notes, and jotting down what teachers say almost verbatim. This means I've got an ace up my sleeve in this class.

Thankfully, things are looking up. I've found my deliverance.

The out-of-town trip (which really spells hedonism at its finest) is still pushing through and I am fixing up logistics.

God, if only I worked on my studies with the same gusto that I fix up barkada inumans, gimmicks and out-of-town trips, I think I would've made it to the Dean's List long ago.

As for working on Project June 18, ah well, as Scarlett O'Hara so famously put it, "After all, tomorrow is another day".

* * *

I can't believe I snapped. Maybe it was all the high expectations set upon today and maybe it was the pressure to do well in classes. Maybe it was even the thought of new school materials.

Whatever it was, I snapped. And I am now in the midst of cleaning out my room, funny as it may sound.

I have been clearing out drawers, grouping together old readings, tossing out old and useless papers and moving books from one shelf to another.

Yes, it is the elusive obssessive-compulsive side of me in action. I've even got my asthma inhaler on standby as I tend to get attacks from all the dust.

This looks like a sleepless night, as I try to figure out how to get out of the mess I literally got myself into.

I am to kooky to be believed.

---

Certainly Uncertain

So much for starting off the school year with determination, focus and a bang. First day of classes and I was still on uncertain and shaky ground.

Who am I kidding? Today was harrowing, to say the least. One of my favorite expressions come into mind once again: "It's not my day!"

But preparations for the First day of school for a Senior can get interesting. Necktie parties, hours and hours of traffic, monsoon rains gone out of whack and all. Not bad!

Last night, I asked my dad to pre-tie a necktie for me since I am totally clueless on tying a necktie. Never mind that back in Grade 7, tying a decent necktie was a must. I've forgotten it all by now.

I ended up having an hour-long tie-tying seminar with both parents getting in on the action and arguing who tied better neckties. Personally, my mom does. But this was the least of my problems.

For one, why is it that the world turns upside down whenever it rains? This I will never understand. You'd think that raining was some strange natural phenomenon.

Second, why is it that traffic increases to the nth power in the first few weeks of school? Come on! The beginning of school is no natural phenomenon, but the traffic sure is one unexplained mystery. You'd think people would know how to sort themselves out by now.

But no. I begin my odyssey at 7 in the morning, rushing to school to be able to pay (horrifyingly expensive) tuition on time. As luck is on my side, I'm caught in 3 hours of traffic.

As if things weren't so bad yet, I'm caught in 2 hours of lining up for payment. As usual, students can never just wait their turn. No, they have to put one over the others and try to get a place nearer to the end of the line by hook or by crook.

See, these little things are the reason why nobody is ever going to get anywhere. We are a culture of one-upmanship wherein people try to find the quickest solution to things, even if it may not be the best solution there is.

People will always try to find "connections". People will always try to cut in on other people in traffic if they see that a specific lane is moving. Students will always make singit if they know their ordeal will be over faster. Life is beautiful.

Right after paying, I rush back home so that I could change into the infamous "business attire". (Read: "rushing back home" is not as easy as it sounds as Antipolo and Pasig are not exactly near to each other).

After taking a nap, I try to rush back to school to make it in time for a 5:00 PM class. I am once again held up in traffic and make it photo finish. Hell, I came to class all harrassed and the Dean of the School of Communication had to order me to wear my necktie as it was still in my pocket.

So much for the tie-tying seminar. I asked a blockmate to tie my necktie for me.

Interesting was the fact that the teacher for today's class had a tattoo on her... um, chest. Don't even ask me how I saw that. Ignorance is bliss. But more than just listening to her lecture, I got my seatmate to help me figure out if it was really a tattoo or a mole/birthmark.

I got my confirmation from the guy sitting int he 1st row who said it was a tattoo.

Interesting also was sitting in the tent (eating place across school) after class, having a snack with Prawny and Thongy when the wind blew the roof of the tent right off! In a matter of seconds, the whole tent was vacated and the rain showed no sign of stopping. Mini-adventure if you ask me. I had fun watching people scurry for cover.

In any case, things were off to a shaky start. I came to class with no notebooks, no ballpen and nary a clue whatsoever. To think I promised myself to be out of "vacation mode" by the 1st day of class.

I'm giving myself tomorrow to regroup, get my bearings and knock 'em dead! Thank God the 1st day (my 1st day anyway) is no pre-cursor for the whole year. I hope not anyway.

* * *

Supposedly, I had Calculus at 7:30 this morning. Supposedly.

But good 'ol responsible me didn't believe that Calculus should be the way to start a school year. That would be plain mean! So I cut.

However, I am still gearing for 5th year and I am trying to appreciate all my subjects for what they can do for me and what they can teach me. I am trying to appreciate Calculus in a more objective manner.

I'm trying to forget all my trauma with Math. I am forgetting how bloody Calculus is. Instead, I'm trying to appreciate the fact that Calculus is very exact and it leaves out the guesswork that is so prevalent in Com subjects.

Let's hope I pass this one this time!

---

The Next Step

American Pie 2, the last of my movie marathon for the summer, couldn't have been more timely.

In the movie, the group of friends talk about taking the next step. Of course, their next step is a bit different from mine, but I'm moving forward all the same.

Tomorrow is the next step-- I will be going to school as a senior. It's going to be my make or break year, and is in one way or another, going to affect my future big time.

Things will be exaggeratedly busy in the coming year, and in a year's time, I'll be finding out if I'll be graduating a year early (which I don't want) or not (something I'm trying to achieve).

These last few days of vacations, I've been psyching myself. I've been psyching myself to focus, to get a grip on my studies and to forget about winging it, which is what I've been doing for the past 3 years.

By this year, I have to know what I want and what I have to do to get it. Forget the days of closing my eyes and praying that a good grade is going to appear on my GWA by some long shot. These days, I've got to be sure about things.

Here I am talking about being O/C about things, when I was in for a big surprise this afternoon. All along, my mindset has been that classes would be starting on Wednesday.

In fact, I never would have found had it not been for a brownout this afternoon. Because I belong to a very techie generation, this afternoon's lack of electricity found me with absolutely nothing to do. Think of it this way- I am bored when there are a lot of gadgets to keep me occupied. How much more if none of these gadgets work because there's no electricity to power them?

I had no computer, radio, TV or even a light to keep me reading. The only thing to amuse me was Skydiver on my phone.

In my boredom, I texted Habanapz to see if she was home and if she could amuse me on the phone for even just a little while. She wasn't home but I learned that classes would be beginning tomorrow.

Shock does not even begin to describe what I felt then. Panicky and lost does not even begin to describe my state of mind now.

All my plans have been laid out and set for Wednesday. Right now, I am feeling like my vacation is cut short for a day! Smart, Bundi! Really smart!!! To think my whole slew of polo-barongs is still under construction at the tailor's in Kamuning and won't be ready 'till the weekend.

But at least I've got a half-day to get it together. There is only one class tomorrow and it begins at 5.

I take the next step tomorrow. I've been psyching myself for this, and now I find myself getting off to a bit of a shaky start. Hang on, this is going to be some wild ride!

* * *

Karl Antz! By default, June 18 as "the end of summer" still stands! Just because classes begin a day earlier does not change a thing!

I am still gathering up enough nerve to go through with it. But know this-- come Saturday, when we go out of town (and we will!), we will have something to drink about!!!!

* * *

Just when I was beginning to appreciate Meteor Garden upon learning that the whole thing was just simple Chinese and that I had the capability of understanding it (last night, we got to translating "Can't Lose You"), well, there was the infamous brownout!

I couldn't watch Meteor Garden! Aw shucks! But did I just download one F4 song? I'm re-orienting myself with my "Chinese" roots!

I'm gonna hate myself in the morning. Listening to it reminds me of High School a few years back when the only reason I'd be listening to Chinese songs was so that I could memorize them for some chorale presentation!

* * *

Success!

Finally, UA&P has come up with a great way to get rid of the hassle it creates during enrollment-- online enrollment! And at 3 A.M. this morning, I was officially enrolled!

Gone are the days of waiting in line for the whole day, of secretly hating all the reg people, and going through useless advising!

... um, but then again, because of my back subjects, I went through the whole thing already. So much for rejoicing!

Happiness Is...

Remember those cheesy old autograph books that ask you all sorts of questions under the sun? I specifically remember questions like "I like the shades of" and "Favorite song" as if the owner of the autograph book really gave a damn.

One of the questions that stood out but always stumped me was "Happiness is __________". I never knew specifically what to answer, Could happiness be 5 gallons of ice cream? Or driving high speed along the Skyway without a care in the world? Or could it be in the arms of someone most beloved?

After tonight's drinking session with the High School boys, I came up with some answers on what my happiness could be.

Happiness is being yourself, no matter how crass and boisterous you get, with a whole bunch of friends.

I'm sure the crowd in CPK Tomas Morato wasn't amused at our loudness. But hey, they'd never see us again. And what is so bad about talking about Meteor Garden loudly?

Happiness is being with friends and a whole load of beer.

At long last, I am over my aversion to alcohol. I am recovered! San Mig light in cans will always taste like lata, but I kinda got to missing the taste of beer.

Happiness is the Magic Mic. One of the URL's that I won't forget for the time being is http://www.enter-tech.com.

We are not good singers. Hell, people would rather listen to ally cats in hear rather than slightly inebriated guys try to belt out "More Than Words" at the top of their lungs. I may not be able to carry a note but I still hold the highest score among the whole lot of us.

My voice is going to be so hoarse in the morning from all the singing and shouting, but it was worth it.

Happiness is bashing F4 with Xaverians.

We endured the whole Myx Hit Chart to watch F4 dominate the countdown.

We endured the whole Myx Hit Chart, and all along, we were bashing Meteor Garden. We were bashing the cheesiness of it all, the shallowness of it all and especially the Chinese-ness of it all.

We endured the whole Myx Hit Chart to be able to sing "Oh baby baby baby, my baby baby...."

In the end, well, I've got Chinese friends and I get to appreciate Meteor Garden because with my friends around, I can understand F4's songs perhaps a little bit more.

Because of tonight's drinking session, I got to seeing that happiness is, as the Peanuts song goes, happiness is coming home again.

Happiness is being yourself, with a whole bunch of people who's company you totally enjoy, and you're living for the moment and enjoying each second of it. Tomorrow can wait for tonight, we had our plain, old, simple and uncomplicated fun.

* * *

Karl Antz-- I adhere to what I said awhile ago. June 18 or bust!!!!

---

Fat Weekend

It's as if I'm giving all the time I spent for working out and killing myself with my sit-up bench one big kick in the ass.

I have spent the whole weekend eating. And I mean heavy duty eating! Of course, that's normal for me since I love eating out, trying new restaurants and savoring the food in old favorites.

My appetite is pretty much legendary within the clan. See, I'm skinny and the tallest among the lot. A few years back, I reminded people of a beanpole. From the time I began college up to now, I gained 50 pounds.

The plus side however is that I am still able to maintain my skinny appearance. Appearances are decieving however since I am also the one with the largest appetite.

An uncle once remarked, "Are you sure you na wala kang alaga diyan?". Ehrm... I don't have worms, thank you very much. Just a very voracious appetite.

Eating out is fun. It's a pastime more than anything. But the fun stops when you become "The Final Solution" to the food left on the table. That is what I usually am, in most cases.

I think it all began because I hate to see food thrown away. Also, I hate the thought of bringing home "doggie bags". Why bring home something you can finish, right? More often than now anyway, I always do.

Saturday lunch was at Italianni's in Greenbelt. This Italianni's branch is so much better than the one in Glorietta because it's much bigger and there are more choices than that of the cafe.

Italianni's has always been a family favorite, even from the very beginning. If I'm not mistaken, that's where I had my confirmation dinner, my graduation dinner, and where my sister had her graduation dinner....

As usual, I polished off what my dad and my sister couldn't finish anymore. The fact what I wasn't THAT full yet horrified them both.

Dinner was at Burgoo's in Rockwell. This time it was with the cousins and other relatives in an anticipated celebration of Father's day was well as the pre-birthday dinner of one cousin. Three guesses who finished the food.

I guess I got annoyed when food was making its way down the long table down to my end for me to finish. It was taken for granted that, well, I'd be the one to do the "cleanup". Though I ate to my heart's content, I did have to surrender before everything was finished.

I had to make room for desert, you know.

But who am I to complain, right? I mean, not everyone is given the opportunity to eat as heartily as I do.

Some may not have the means, while others may have the appetite but not the metabolism. I take what I can get and make do with it. Being the family garbage disposal isn't so bad anyway since I get to relish the good food everyone's to full to appreciate and enjoy!

* * *

I am cursing myself now for not following my dad's favorite shopping policy of "Buy now, think (and regret) later".

Being obssessive-compulsive is not something to describe me. However, at times, I do manifest some tendencies- especially when it comes to shoes. I don't buy shoes very often because shopping for them is anything but fun. Who says guys have it easy?

Each shoe I buy has to literally call out to me from a shelf. It's got to have the proverbial "X-Factor". It's got to have that certain shine and look. When it has all that, it's got to have my size. Since I've got huge feet (10 to 10 and 1/2), they've got to fit. And fit well. No tight sides, no scraping and callouses...

A few months ago, I found the perfect shoe. They were a pair of GBX leather shoes with a silver thingamajig across the top. Perfect. My dad was egging me on to get them already, but since back then, I had no need for them and my current Skechers leather shoes were serving me well, I decided to come back for them when the need arose.

Well, the need has risen. In less than a week's time, I am going to school as a Senior. This means that I'd be needing business attire. The time has come to relegate my good 'ol Skechers to the background since I'd need more functional leather shoes.

The sad thing is that the perfect shoe is nowhere to be found. Apparently, GBX has taken out all the old models for new arrivals. Now, I don't care about new arrivals! I want the shoe that called out to me a few months ago!

Thus, I spent the whole Saturday moving from one shope shop to another in search for something similar. Bass had something like it, but the heels were to high. Rockport has nice shoes but none appealed to me. Mendrez has been tried and tested on my feet and they didn't survive.

I sound like an advertisement but... it's gotta be GBX or bust!

* * *

I am feeling guilty for going out on Father's Day.

I kinda expected to spend the day home with everyone. I'm sure my dad wouldn't have liked anything more than to spend the whole day with his family. And I would have liked to give him that much.

Unfortunately, I have a dinner and drinking session tonight. Like I said, I really am giving my workout sessions one big kick in the ass!

My dad doesn't seem to mind, though. It's perfectly fine with him. But I'm just feeling a bit guilt-ridden about the whole thing.

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