Exhausted

I am beat. It was one exhausting day with the Equatorials and a paper due. Will blog tomorrow.

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Dumb and Dumber

There are some instances in life where you get to feel like Jim Carrey's character in Dumb and Dumber. And it's frustrating.

It's hard being the fool who can practically hear the wind whistle through his empty and very vacant cranium.

These are the times when you it seems that you're an absolute clod- errors left and right and when it seems that at a class discussion, you can't process information quickly or you don't feel as sharp as the others.

I feel stupid when I sit passively inside a philosophy class without being able to contribute anything tangible to the discussion.

This is when your "slow-ness" affects you. Where it is really supposed to matter- discussion, COMELEC meetings, stuff like that. It's at times like these when you realize that you can and have to think on your feet.

Those are serious instances, unlike the comical stupidity which makes life a bit more interesting each day.

Just like today, as I was closing the door to the office, my middle finger got caught in the door. It's a bit swollen now, but it was funny awhile ago when I was going around school with my middle finger raised at everyone.

Comical was also me trying to call my sister on the cell. I had my phone to my ear, wondering why there was no sign of a call being made. I only got to realize later on that I had the phone to my ear without actually pressing the green button.

Stupid is also, well, the barber who just about massacred my hair today. I had to get him when my 1st and 2nd favorite barbers were unavailable. Now, my hair looks moth-eaten. Gr.

These are trivial matters that don't demand to be taken seriously (though my hair is a serious matter. Man!)

I was in my least-favorite and most demanding philosophy class today. There was a question posed before us and I couldn't quite grasp it. Even if I read, I found it hard to process it together with the reading which was C.S. Lewis.

The teacher kept on broaching ideas to us, and I simply sat taking in everything she was saying. These were opinions I never bothered to question.

And it bothered me that I couldn't hang on to her train of thought. Or disagree with anything. Our teacher said that had she been in U.P., she would have been eaten up alive with opinions opposing hers.

It just got to thinking. I have volumes of opinions contrary to what she was saying, but never did I bother to think of them or articulate my thoughts.

Going against a teacher's opinion isn't exactly UA&P culture. And at times, I feel as if I've been moulded, shaped and beaten into submission by the school system, that I be wary about voicing out my opinions.

I also lack the confidence to believe in my answers. At times, I feel as if I have a very simplistic (thus, becoming naive) view on things. I feel as if I lack enough knowledge in things. Thus, I leave most of the speaking out to others.

This is to the point where I'm afraid to speak out because I'm afraid to say the wrong thing, or that what I have to say lacks substantiation and basis, making room for flawed opinions. Making me open to error.

This way of thinking gets me frightened that I might be succumbing to the temptation of spinelessness, where I may not know where to stand. This then makes me hypocritical as I have always had a thing against air-heads.

Participating in discussions takes more than just reading. This is college and it takes more than just saliva and a half-baked thought.

At times also, I am very yielding to candidates or I have to seek a 2nd opinion on anything I have to say to a candidate. It's as if I lack the confidence and conviction to believe in what I'm dishing out.

It takes confidence. It takes discipline. It takes a certain assurance. Things which I only partially have.

Just Heaven forbid that I lack a spine, with me living my life waiting for the next propagandist.

Life without a stand would be sheer tragedy.

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Happy Stress

Happy stress is the kind of stress wherein you work so hard that you can feel it. And you love that feeling.

It's when the work is demanding, maybe even draining. Yet you still persist on going about your business for no particular reason.

It's when what you're doing demands so much of your energy and effort and yet you can't wait for another day to begin so you could work again.

That's what's been going on with me for the past few days with me immersed in my work. Happy stress.

This is actually bothersome because the operations of an org are not my forte. Yet now, it seems that I'm all over the place. Following things up with different offices, talking with teachers and candidates alike, skipping meals to work...

And yet, I love what I do. I'm exhausted, but like I said before, it's a good kind of exhausted.

It was also exhausting because I had to juggle some requirements for school and play the role Family Driver since my dad left for Germany. This means I have to do some fetching where otherwise I could have gone home. Unfortunately, my sister hates driving and my mom couldn't drive to save her life.

Three guesses who the burden falls upon.

But amid the stress of yesterday, I spent a very nice 2 hours having lunch with SOMEONE. Screw the partisan politics and everything else. No one was taking away my very rare time alone with SOMEONE.

And for about the first time, I got to know SOMEONE on a deeper level. Needless to say, I was grinning ear to ear for the rest of the day.

I then had to leave early so I could attend to my dad's travel plans.

Today, the day started pretty early. My mom and I left the house really early to get the ash thing over and done with. We were gunning for the 6:30 mass in Lourdes and ended with the 7 because the parking of that Church is severely messed up.

Even if I don't believe much in fasting and abstinence, I involuntarily fasted since I didn't have lunch trying to iron things for COMELEC.

Aside from class, we had our equatorials rehearsal and first candidates meeting. There was really no time for a meal.

And as early as now, the elections with 16 candidates and 3 parties, are promising to be very explosive. The vibe of politics is running high in this very tiny campus.

I know it's going to spell more work for me, but I think it's worth it to see so many people participating and getting involved. People who would otherwise not have cared.

It's great to see them taking a stand, even if it's for something as trivial as politics. It then becomes thrilling to know that you're somehow in the middle of all this.

Things become charged, things become hectic. I run the operations of the whole thing, and I know that passions and ideals are stirred and released during this time of the year.

Now, if only these candidates, whoever wins, would put the same drive in his or her work for the Student Executive Board as he or she did campaigning.

This is why all this work is not really much work at all. It's happy stress.

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Some Days...

... it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Normally, I'm one of the deepest sleepers around. Unfortunately, my sleep was interrupted several times during the night.

I remember waking up at one point with no particular reason. Then I woke up a minute right before the earthquake. And then my mom woke me up around 5 asking what time my class was, and an hour later my dad was rifling through my room in search of car keys.

In short, I didn't get my pre-requisite for a good day: a good night's rest. My sister eventually woke me up at 7:30. By then, it was too late to make it to my 9:00 class.

Now, I have this really bad habit: I'm really sluggish getting out of bed. In fact, I never get up the first time somebody goes around to get me up.

Apparently, the helper made several fruitless visits to my room and according to her, I'd ask for 5 more minutes of sleep. She finally gave up on me.

While rushing to school, my Logic classmate texts asking for the coverage of the Logic long exam today. I am dumbfounded- I had no idea there was a test. Which makes me panic even more.

On the way to school, I get a text from a party representative asking if he could file a complaint against another party. This would be the first of a barrage of complaints. My day was going extremely well and I haven't even set foot in school.

In the end, there was no test. My Family teacher didn't send me out (she sends people who didn't read the readings out) and COMELEC was on its toes the whole day because of a little crisis.

All in all, it was a roller coaster ride for me today. It was full of ups and downs.

My experience with the COMELEC these past few days has been making me realize some things.

For one, I think I'm too nice. And this "nice-ness" of mine has been making the candidates pretty lax as well. And I believe that this is giving the COMELEC more trouble.

I don't have the heart to snap at people. I have always been a pacifist and a people person and I'm very forgiving when candidates or parties step out of line. This shouldn't be the case and it's worse since I'm running the whole show.

A party has been giving me problems with their compliance of the requirements. Deadline was Saturday, it was extended until today and the last chance is tomorrow at 9. But I know that I'll still be really pleasant and amiable to them, even if my fellow commissioners have asked me to file a warning.

The same party had a very nasty and headstrong representative who was mouthing off at me last Saturday, and I still couldn't work up the will to reprimand her even if she was way out of line. I still settled things amicably.

I also get to realize that I'm too much of a team player. I try to keep everybody satisfied to avoid further trouble.

I'm afraid that my brand of pakikisama is going to do a bit more harm than good, considering I am at the helm and this is politics we're talking about. People have been getting testy and the real show hasn't even started- not even the front act.

I'm bracing myself for tough times ahead. As early as now, I can tell it won't be smooth sailing like last year.

Hopefully in that span of time, I acquire more of a spine. A backbone and some conviction is going to help me as much as it's gonna help COMELEC.

It's one thing to be trampled upon, but it is another thing to allow yourself to be trampled on.

Alright, then. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

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Play Date

This part-time theater aficionado has spent the weekend "play-hopping".

Saturday night, I took in the University's annual Kultura play. This year, the play was Tartuffe, a play written by Moliere (a writer back in the 17th Century).

The play was held at Stageworx in Shangri-La, not exactly the most conducive venue for a play. Habanapz and I were seated at the 2nd floor and we left the place with aching necks.

But the acting was terrific, as was expected. (Marie! You were fantabulous! Congratulations!)

I don't know if I was slow last night, but I had problems following the story. The English accents were a bit hard to comprehend especially with the fast-paced dialogue.

Or maybe I was really just on screen-saver mode. I mean, after catching hell from a way misinformed (and ignorant) campaign representative, I wasn't exactly keeping my mind on the play.

I also wasn't able to appreciate the story much. The scenes were very well executed, and the build-up of the plot was terrific.

It was just that the ending didn't sit well with me. Somehow, at my age, I think the ending was just a bit too "happily-ever-efter" to be appreciated. The resolution was too quick and too perfect to be believable.

But who am I to say so? Hell, the guy is acclaimed. He's made his name and his works are still alive hundreds of years later, so there has to be some truth in his writing. God, please don't tell me I'm that cynical!

All in all though, the play was worth it.

Honestly, I think I'm beginning to lose my taste for culture. I think I'm becoming jologs. Boorish. Uncivilized. A barbarian. I don't appreciate the art that goes into plays like I used to.

Especially today. I watched a kabuki play called Kanjincho. It's this very publicized play with Romnick Sarmenta playing one of the leads.

On an amusing note, I was watching with 2 people- both of them from opposing parties. And with me being a COMELEC member, it was just an amusing thought.

Usually, I am wont to appreciate things like these. I love taking in productions from other cultures. This would have been something to look forward to since I have never seen authentic Kabuki in my life.

However, I wasn't able to appreciate this one. I always try to keep an open mind about things, but I don't think I'm cultured enough yet to endure Kabuki.

The story was very simple and there was a lot of yowling. What can be admired though is the detail placed on the elaborate costumes. Also note-worthy is the choreography of the actors and the meticulousness of the instrument players.

But it is one thing to watch a movie with subtitles, and another thing to watch a play with subtitles!

Subtitles displayed on a screen beside the stage! What happens is that the audience's attention is divided between the dances going on on stage and the subtitles to actually be in the know of what's going on.

A problem also was the exaggeratedly hot venue. U.P. Theater is large and it was packed to the rafters this afternoon. But there was no air-con and thus, the play became one torturous ordeal.

Since it was becoming impossible to catch the gist of the story, my friends and I ended up discussing school politics.

In any case, we bought souvenir programs to get a better gist of the story. To know the story, actually, since we are required to pass a reaction paper on this thing.

I'm feeling pretty guilty since I have always been a stickler for manners inside a theater. And here I was, chatting with friends while the play was going on.

In retrospect, I wish I watched the play alone. I think I could have appreciated/understood it more.

I'm just feeling a bit uncouth right now.

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