Spaghetti

As it has been and as it always will be.

And yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME

Whenever there's a birthday in this house, you can always count on spaghetti. I am pretty sure that if this household had a constitution, "spaghetti on birthdays" will be one of the articles.

Ach. So this is how it feels to be 21. Not much of a difference I must say. But then, to other people, today is just another day.

To me however, it's a lot bigger than that. I've been on this world for 21 years and counting. Just think about that. And yes, I cannot pass myself off as a teen any longer. No more stating my age as "twenteen".

On the eve of my birthday, I usually stay up past midnight to write a valedictory essay to the year that was and thoughts on turning older. I also like to see the first "Happy Birthday" messages come in.

This year I slept through all of that. I got home late and decided to take a nap before I started working. As always, I never woke up 'till the next morning.

By then my phone had the little blinking envelope and the "No Space for New Messages" sign up front. This sign would be a staple for the rest of the day.

And the essay- my thoughts on turning a year older- is yet to materialize.

Some thoughts on 21: It's a bit frightening, honestly. I have officially left the stage where being older was better. Being older meant you were "wiser" and you were looked up to.

I am now at the stage where people greet me with "Wahaha. Tumanda ka na naman!" or "Kuya!". I cannot count how many texts I got with that same line of thought.

21 is besically just another number. My body still doesn't feel the age. But I guess there is more symbolism in being 21. It just dawned on me that the line of "2+" is where a lot get MARRIED???!?

But really, I think 21 is a completely different stage in life. Dminishing is the age of experimentation and trying to see where you stand. Gone is having your head in the clouds and dreaming "what I want to be when I grow up". Reality is, I am grown up.

Hey, I can legally play in a casino now!

Gone are the days of thinking that "the real world" is far away. Reality check- it's right at my doorstep.

There are times when I'm shocked that a kid was born in, say, 1995 is already Grade One. My own Grade One seems like yesterday! And in 1995, I was already in the throes of adolescence, enjoying Aerosmith and "Oh Carolina" by Shaggy. Hell, those songs are already played on Magic Madness Friday!

That was me during my birthday in 1993. Ugly little bugger...

I think now is the time for me to stop thinking like a kid and face the fact that I've got to "grow up". To own up to repsonsibility and to know that I actually have a say in things and in this world.

I think there is less time for dreams now. It is the time to pick one of my many dreams and dare to offer it to the world. Watch out here I come.

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The ugly bugger at 5!

I didn't feel very festive today. Panic was more like it. I did not have the luxury of indulging myself in my birthday.

Reason for this: I was supposed to fix up some research for a report today. But unfortunately, I fell asleep. Thus, early in the morning, I was running about school, trying to type and get this document into acetate- all at 7:30 in the morning.

Thank God, the report went decently. Could've been better, but at least we didn't look like idiots.

After class (the only subject for the day), my friend went with me to fix up the plans for my "debut" tomorrow. Yes my friends, I finally have a venue! My party is under way!

After hanging around school for awhile, I went to hear mass and have a "birthday lunch" with my dad in Glorietta.

I wouldn've loved to hang around Glorietta for awhile, but unfortunately, I've got chapters to read for a class tomorrow. Unfortunately, the world does not stop turning even on my debut.

And now, I am waiting for the family to come home. Since it's my birthday, we're all going to have dinner together. Open a bottle of wine maybe (up 'till 2 years ago, it was Coke), and I do smell the barbecue cooking (sometimes, it's chicken).

And yes, we are having spaghetti.

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One Down...

I'm in the mood to gloat. The long overdue article has just been completed and I have hit the "SEND" button on my mail. It is now (hopefully) on it's way to my editor's computer.

I really hate my attitude of not wanting to get started on something because so much thoughts on how difficult it is going to be start running through my head. In the end, things turn out to be so simple that all the worrying need not have transpired.

I hesitated over the article for weeks. I finished it in less than an hour.

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Preoccupations Part 2

Tonight's the night. I'm absolutely not going to sleep until I finish that darn column.

I absolutely refuse to start another year in my life with anything hanging over my head. Hell, I'm gonna end up doing it anyway so why prolong my agony.

I'm practically a fugitive from my editor these days. I refuse to linger around school any longer than I should since Murphy's Law is going to catch up on me. I should know- it always does.

And there's absolutely no way to avoid her tomorrow- she's my classmate in 2 subjects and she'll be ragging on me 'till kingdom come or until I snap whichever comes first.

Speaking of snapping, I'm on the verge of it right now anyway.

Thank God I turn a year older only once a year. I'm going stark raving mad since I still don't know where to hold this little shebang.

What's a good party anyway? I don't know if I want dinner, drinking, billiards, or what have you! Choices, choices, choices!

And then there's a group report, quizzes and so much more to face before the weekend. And the days are going by so slooowly!

Another thing that's been bothering me is how private can a blog be anyway? I mean, it's posted on the internet right? So that makes it in some way public consumption?

Got thinking about this yesterday when after Habanapz and I were blog-hopping in an internet place across school. We came across this blog and read it (naturally!).

When we were leaving, this guy kept on staring at us. As in he was really looking at us that I wanted to tell him "Take a picture!"

I later learned that when we left, the guy asked our friend who we stopped and talked to who we were. Apparently, he was troubled that Habanapz and I were reading his friend's blog. It's as if we invaded his friend's privacy and and read her blog when it was open for the whole world to see.

I mean, the beauty of a blog is that you get to vent and yet maintain a cloak of anonimity, right? Of course that depends on how anonymous you really want to be.

Thing is, there will always be the possibility that your blog will be linked to and your thoughts read. Of course, the person behind the thoughts can remain anonymous if he or she wishes. But since the thoughts are on the internet, they will inevitably be read by people you know or don't know.

It just bothered me that that person acted as if we broke open some sort of private secret that had never seen the light of day. You are not the only one who can read blogs, boy.

With that said, let me go back to my column. Or I'll never sleep.

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Preoccupations

Yeah. That's what I am now- pre-occupied.

Aside from the normal school stuff that take up my time by default such as readings and all that, there are 2 more things that are bugging me.

One is my column for the school paper.

As a writer, thinking of stuff to write is supposed to be easy. And it is! I'm sitting alone and all the ideas start flowing.

As it has been pretty obvious in this blog, I can talk about anything and everything under the sun. I'm never at a loss for topics to cover and things to discuss at length. I've come up with numerous essays, feature articles and the like.

So why has it become so hard to write a lousy column for the paper?

My guess is that I'm feeling the pressure of staking my name on an opinion, whether I may be correct or not. In the world of blogging, I can hide behind any degree of anonimity there is. And I don't have to worry about the people I know commenting on what I say.

In the newspaper, I usually have to give my opinions on one issue or another and I run the risk of getting flack. Although I'm a people person, I am wary about getting flack or stepping on toes- especially the toes of the higher ups in school. And my school isn't exactly leading in terms of open-mindedness.

I once wrote a very harmless article for MTV Ink and for some reason, I unwittingly caused a stir. I mean, isn't it possible for me to write about anything without it blowing up in my face?

This is why I've been putting off writing. I can't go wrong with a news or features article but having a column is really much harder and less glamorous than I thought.

The second thing that has been plaguing me is where in the world can I have my "debut".

I'm torn. Price is not much of an issue but I don't want it to be extremely costly, but I also want my friends to enjoy the night. To think I'm inviting both High School and College friends.

Thing is, as Jabanapz put it, I don't even know what I want!

I guess at this point, all I know is that I want to celebrate my 21st birthday surrounded by my closest friends, and for them to have fun. I don't have any ideas on the hows and the wheres.

These 2 things have been hounding me all week and all I know is that they both have to be ironed out at the end of this week.

Woe is me.

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Round and Round

I guess you could call it the first kagaguhan of the year or the last kagaguhan of my 20 years, whatever you prefer.

The boys and I decided on a rather impromptu inuman right across school. Yeah, that's the right thing to do. Drink 'till kingdom come right on a school night. On a Monday night for that matter. And we have class tomorrow.

I was feeling a bit fatalistic tonight and I guess I needed an outlet for it. Drinking my blues away seemed like the perfect solution. And I can say that perhaps it was a good solution.

Today was a day I couldn't exactly call perfect. Miserable quizzes, demonic teachers, a few disappointments one after the other all mixed with the Birthday blues, which always strike me at this time- a few days leading up to my birthday.

The original plan was one round of beer. Of course, one round led to another and then out comes the pulutan and the next thing you know, you're having a great time.

I mean, at that point, it couldn't get any better. The slight inebriation ("happy tipsy" as a friend would call it) loosens everyone up and you're having the time of your life. The problems and the sad moods could wait 'till tomorrow. You're there and living up the moment.

Of course, I was perfectly aware that there were still readings to be read and some stuff to accomplish. I mean, hey, my editor is at my neck waiting for my column to be submitted.

But like I said, the worries can wait 'till next time. I really needed that mini inuman tonight.

And here I am now, in front of the computer, blogging. I'm slightly light-headed but I guess I'm fine.

Let me just say that one of the most interesting adventures to go through is trying to make the long journey home, amidst a very full bladder.

It really wakes you up and gets you going, that it does.

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Master Procrastinator

I was going through a bookshelf today and I found this little booklet that my friend gave me as a High School graduation gift.

The title of the book is "101 Reasons Not to Do Anything", and it is 101 choice quotes on... well, slacking off.

These are a few gems:

"Procrastination- the art of keeping up with yesterday" --Don Marquis

"Life is one long process of getting tired" --Samuel Butler

"Work is the only dirty four-letter word in the English language" --Abbie Hoffman, Harper's Magazine 1970

"There are three events in a man's life; birth, life and death; he is not conscious of being born, he dies in pain and he forgets to live" --Jean de la Bruyere

"Time you can enjoy wasting is never wasted time" --Anon

I could go on and on. But this is one of my favorites:

"My father taught me to work, but not to love it. I never did like to work, and I don't deny it. I'd rather read, tell stories, crack jokes, talk, laugh- anything but work." --Abraham Lincoln

Such a smart man.

I guess it's pretty obvious that I am feeling like a bum now and I am putting off doing a simple 2 page paper by blogging.

The paper is very, very simple really. And it's double spaced. However, I just don't want to think. Or work. Perhaps in a while? 5 minutes? How about if I take a nap first? Maybe I'll wake up with fresher ideas...

And how! The very sad story of my life. I think I'm still on vacation mode and it's gonna take something big and drastic to jolt me back to reality.

"Leisure is the mother of Philosophy" --Thomas Hobbes

"Like every man of sense and good feeling, I abominate work." --Aldous Huxley

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